For a long time, I had decided that SL just wasn’t fun anymore. I would log in, and talk to no-one, see no-one, do nothing. My heart was broken and everything had lost it’s sparkle. I wasn’t pining for that companion – not in the slightest. But I was broken. Everything was dull, and logging in meant a flurry of questions from the other world that I just didn’t have the energy to field any more.
As time went on, I was getting more and more disillusioned. What was the point in logging in, bar for two or three days at the start of the month to book live music, check notecards, organise a few haphazard events. I just wasn’t *needed* anymore.
Logging into SL one night a few months back, I burst into uncontrollable tears as the frustration of my depression that had taken over. Things in RL weren’t going too well (I was feeling just as lonely out there as I was in here). So I decided enough was enough, and I was quitting. I had the support of my RL partner (who also told me that I was stupid for doing it – he knows how good SL is for me, how much I care about it) in whatever decision I made.
So I did it. Quit the manor, quit SL, quit everything. I sent the message that was probably the hardest I had ever had to write and waited for the response.
The thing that surprised me most was that he was expecting it. Even with the distance between us – he knew something was up. Of course he did, he’s been there through every crisis of confidence, every moment of weakness and every moment of joy that I have experienced in the past six years. The one constant thing in my life – and he was expecting that I was going, that I was done, that I had nothing left. So we talked, frankly, openly, honestly – something I still find hard to do.
And he kicked my butt. He reminded me that this fog of depression is only a temporary shift, that it will pass and I will be right back up to normal again. We talked of the cycle of my depression – and how even he can recognise the signs. He reminded me of all the amazing work I have done, and how he couldn’t do this without me. Angel Manor is more than just a venue – it’s our home. And if we can’t be happy in our home how can we expect guests to be?
And it worked. Since that horrible moment, my spirits have been lifted, my enthusiasm is back. Just this week I am discussing three different types of events – a photoshoot, some machinima and a charity ball. Come September some of the best artists in SL will be back from their RL tours, promotions and holidays and raring to go – as will I.
We have a regular weekly Dj event which has brought a lot of new people and a lot of fun to the sim – a social event where I can get to know our patrons and they me.
I have reconnected with old friends – and made some new ones.
My groove is back (as I cheekily IM’d him a couple of days later with a list of events I am organising – The Bitch is Back) and I couldn’t honestly be happier with how everything has turned out.
Roll on September and my return to the big house – and watch this space. Things are going to get awesome.