Relationship Woe

Taken From The Sun, (Newspaper in the UK)

“Virtual Reality sex wrecked Catherine Shilton’s family when partner Keith joined the website Second Life.

She says, “Second Life ruined my ten-year relationship and robbed by 5-year old son of a father”.
In Second Life your computer generated alter ego can live a fantasy life, make friends, and as Catherine found out, start a real relationship.

The 47-year old community worker from Wellinborough, Northants, says “Within a couple of weeks Keith was obsessed. I noticed a female character was always on his screen. Keith told me she was from the US and they were just friends, I believed him.

They began to have cybersex. He would get up at 4am everyday and log on until he had to go to work at 7am. As soon as he got back home he would be back online until 11pm.

Our sex life altered dramatically. To begin with it died a death as he would pleasure himself at the computer six days a week, which didnt leave much for me.
Then it picked up. Keith was keen to experiment, which was great, until he revealed he had been boasting to her about how good he was in bed and needed to rehearse with me to impress her. I was devestated.

He even suggested we each get a SL partner to holiday with as a break from normality. I was shocked.

Four months after it began he booked a flight to go and meet her. It was the final straw and I told him to leave. Keith still sees our son but our relationship was irretrievably damaged.

I really do believe if Keith had never got involved in this sick fantasy world we would still be a happy family”

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To me, stories like this are strange… Yes when I first started on SL my SL time was short and sweet, I had not found my niche or my friends, I was a noob running around in spaceless voids.. Then a couple of weeks in, once I had started to join communities and make friends, I had my first SL relationship, with Midas… Now Midas is from the US and therefore I found myself at the weekends staying up playing SL with him for a good 14 or so hours. At this time, my RL relationship was going down the tube (or so I thought) and SL was my way of escaping away from the reality of my crumbling relationship with R. Then all of a sudden the relationship with Midas ended - partly because his RL wife didn’t want him to have relationships (although he has had a string since us) and because I had started to find my niche working in SL, and happened to be busy at the times we could see each other. So it ended (Although we are still close friends)

Without a lover to hang with in SL, I threw myself into work, taking on Management responsibilities at The Purple Rose and in Dublin - and it was great! My RL relationship picked up tremendously, I cut down my SL time to work and some pleasure and everything was going quite well - although I was teasing my closest friends for being mushy loveydovey in their respective relationships. (PUKE!) It was at this time I so dreadfully missed Sam/Zoe as an explorer and confidant, although between myself and Phooka I think there was so much puke around Dublin it would have taken weeks to clean! (hehe)

And then - there was you. You appeared in my life when I wasn’t looking for anyone, when I was just carrying along with my work commitments and my friends and having hardly anytime for a relationship - Scia, you came and turned my world inside out and back to front and topsy turvy and for that I am so very happy. You knew how busy I was before we engaged in this relationship and as much as I cannot give you the time you so readily deserve of me, you are still here. You deal with my pissy moods and I with yours (ok not very well at times but at least we do). You finish my sentences and always seem to know what I am thinking, there are random presents to lighten my day, always a smile… You really do light up my SL.

But never, ever do anything as silly as proposing partnership to me in the way you did last night! If you want me to say yes, you gotta work for it! hehe! Love you babe

Lady Kezzy

Night-Breed

 

So I have now joined the Bloodlines, The Thirst Vampire RPG inside Second Life… Yes, I am a vampire. My Clan is Aes Sídhe, the only vampire descendants from the Tuatha Dé Danann, and I took great care to research what my clan would stand for. As anyone can see, it is full of irish mythology and a little exaggeration on the perceived spiritual roles to adapt them to vampirism - Although if you have read WB Yeats’ stories on the Aes Sídhe, you might see that they are not entirely fabricated.

~Clan Hierarchy~

Leanan Sídhe - The Vampiric Queens
Bean Sídhe - Fallen Angels
Sluagh Sídhe - The Restless Dead
Dullahan - Coachman of the Cóiste Bodhar, Carrier of Souls
Cu Síth - Soul Hunter

~Clan Discipline~
Auspex     - Enhanced Senses
Presence - Superhuman Charisma
Venustas - Seductive Beauty

Along with building a marvellous clan HQ on Eponie Island, we are well on our way to growing and prospering. Many other clans are just in it to take souls and increase their blood wealth, for us it is a case of finding a community in which to belong, a place to call home - friends, family and of course, some good old hunting fun! The Vampire RP has taken over what spare time I had left from the rest of my SL but I am rather enjoying it. Surprisingly I have made some really interesting friendships through the Bloodlines RP and for that I will be carrying on being a Vampire.

Lady Kezzy

Point of View

Apparently, there is a theory floating around that people who have exceptionally good looking avatars are not good looking in Real Life… Now, I know that SL gives people the chance to be who they want to be - people stuck in a wheelchair can fly, people who are housebound can socialise in bars and clubs, people who have (through no consequence of their own just circumstance) no real life to speak of can have great friends, good company, and popularity - but saying that ugly people have beautiful avies and vice-versa? I choose to dispute that. The reason I do is that of my closest closest SL friends, some I have met in RL and some I have seen RL photos of - and not one of them would I say was ugly in RL! (And I don’t just say that cuz they are my friends, that’s a genuine observation). Sure - Kezzy would break in half if she materialised in RL, and others are taller, smaller, or completely different genders to their RL person - but ugly? Hell No!

I can see why people would make this assumption though, SL gives you a chance to be the eternal 20 something (well, apart from those people with child avies *shudders*) or a wolf, a cat - pretty much anything you want to be (I myself have a dragon avie, a tiny giraffe avie, a wolf, and a tiny pink frog - tiny animal avies rock). Basically, if you can imagine it, you can do it - but in what sense does that mean that someone can walk around a group of people, point the hot avies out and say “yes that person is definitely ugly in RL”.. Surely that is a lack of confidence in themselves that drives them to make such assumptions of another person - Remember guys, there’s real people behind the avies, with real emotions, real feelings - And no one deserves to be made to feel like crap in any world.

Food for thought…

On another note, no more than a day from writing my last post, I was subjected to my own form of SL drama - nothing too serious, just a dispute that needed to be sorted out, but unfortunately the receiver of my discussion took everything as a personal attack and logged off, although now everything has been straightened out. One of the reasons I keep my chat logs is that I will be the first to admit if I step out of place or have said something wrong, and if the conversation is on a professional level (in this case, a Dublin skirmish) I share certain aspects of my chat to see if anything I have said could be taken in the wrong way. If it is then I am the first to apologise and sort it out, if not, then unfortunately there is nothing that can be done to help if the other person takes it to heart. *sighs* Drama Llamas, they will take over the grid!

Lady Kezzy

Crossed Wires

It is funny how easily one comment made through text on SL can quickly spiral out of control and become a fully fledged argument/ falling out. Crossed wires happen quite regularly - which is probably the reason for the increasing popularity of using SL Voice (or Skype® , which tends to be a lot more reliable). When talking to someone using your voice, rather than your fingers, you can detect the inflections and tone that make a joke truly a joke… which typing cannot convey, even with the use of smileys.

Unfortunately drama is rife in SL.. Whether it be one person insulted because of a misinterpretation or Griefer Wars using the many toys made soly for that purpose… Or just, slandering an exes name across the grid just because you are still hurt by their betrayal (or perceived betrayal when the relationship dissolved). I am lucky enough that the people I tend to stick with don’t engage in drama (or at least not with me - drama llamas the lot of them!!) but from being on the receiving end of hearing what latest grief they are going through, I learn a lot.

As mentioned in a previous post, a good friend is being subjected to a stalking attack of the worst kind, one that he simply has no idea how it came about or what the motive is. Even with hashing it out with several friends he still is none the wiser to what reason this avie (and its alts) have for attacking him. But do attacks have to solely come from a griefer style teleport or toy attack? What about the verbal attacks? Or even just the presence of another avie who makes you feel uncomfortable? Is that not an attack also?

If an avie in question knows that their presence makes you uncomfortable, and they have no other reason behind it than to make you uncomfortable, is that not just as bad or is it just a case of uber-paranoia? And the war with words… However seriously you take SL and however you try to avoid it, everyone has a past, just like in RL - with broken friendships, feuds, exes… Not to mention group wars, where opposing groups berate and talk about others in a degrading way.. To the point that if you know someone in one group you would be scared to join the other (even if you have friends in it) just for fear of being on the receiving end.

A lot of people arrive in SL wanting to get away from the RL drama… Hell, there’s enough crap in the Real World without ruining the Second Life World with the drama, animosity, hatred towards others and others beliefs.. Why can’t we use SL as a template for what can be achieved instead of ruining it just like we have ruined the Real Life.

Lady Kezzy

A Delay in posting

I have had such a busy time of it since my last post - yes, I know I am incredibly busy anyway but wow! Just madness really

I have a new hostess at the Rose - on the East Coast of the USA, so that gives way for us being able to start to have some US Timezone events, a great thing as unfortunately we all seem to be based in the GMT timezone and somewhat alienating our American counterparts. I do enjoy getting new staff, especially as they are most likely to tell their friends when they are working which adds to popularity for our events and also to traffic figures.

On Friday night we went slightly mad with a Girls Loud and Proud event - myself and Eponie obviously in our elements with the cheesy music and the tarty outfits and everything… There were about 29 people there and id say half were Purple Rose members and the other half were members of my Crazymad group (A group made for the sole purpose of a mutual interest in good parties and good events). The competition board worked really well with Phooka being voted the tart of the night and winning the jackpot. It definitely seemed to drum up some interest within members and guests and everyone had a really good time.

I made a new friend recently - Liam Axelbrad, the Phantom of the Opera in Second Life. He lives, breathes the RP of being the Phantom and his Phantom themed Sims are fantastic, from the recreation of the Opera House, to the Phantom’s Lair (which I was incredibly privileged to see), he has worked very hard with them. There is a possibility that we can perform our adaption of The Phantom of the Opera for his Sim, Tenants and Group Members - a mutually beneficial arrangement as he is able to have a themed night on his Sim and it increases advertisement and possible group membership for us.

With regards to the crazymad group, there has been a lot of activity with it recently, with various birthday/rezzday parties to organise and the popularity of us all hanging out at other events instead of just the Dublin scheduled events is cementing a lot of friendships and having a “jolly good old time” when we all hang out together. Possibly this could lead to a party organising venture by yours truly, as the parties I have organised have been so successful… Watch this Space!

I have been with Scia a whole month now! Hard to believe.. Me, the unrelationed, now in an adventure that has nothing but happiness for me. It is still incredibly early and there is so much we discover about each other, in a great way it hasn’t been laying it all down this is all of me and now there is nothing else to discover so let’s get bored of each other - completely on the contrary! Every day brings another smile to my face, and my happiness with him increases each day… Yes yes i promised no mushy love fest on my blog but I can’t help it sometimes, if you feel truly loved then why not shout it from the rooftops?! I am in no rush to be partnered or any of that official stuff that usually goes along with an SL relationship - I am happy exactly the way everything is progressing with us and if we ever get to that point that yes, we should be partnered then we will… But for now everything is just, wonderful. Strange how things just happen when you least expect them - All my friends were happily partnered and off doing couple things, Kezzy was just standing there bored with noone to see and suddenly *poof* Scia appeared and everything is just, perfect.

Live Music And Other Things

Tonight The Purple Rose showcased Ms Melodee McDonnell singing live, and wow what a success! We had 35 avatars in, something we havn’t had since the last time we showcased Phantom of the Opera, and what a voice! It is easy to see why she has such a large fan base.

Lots of new group members and a lot of glowing things were said about Stage, Show and Ballroom from guests, old and young alike.

All in all, things are definitly picking up for The Purple Rose, and I for one am incredibly glad… The place really deserves it, as do Eponie and Kaya, and I love putting my effort into it - It really is my passion in SL. We know we have a winning formula and it seems now they are getting the credit they deserve.

Toodles

Lady Kezzy

This IS The Real Life..

Just a short post today - Full in the midst of organising the Real Life Reunion in Real Life Dublin - so far, a lot of confirmed but chasing others to see if they want to go or not so we can get an idea of numbers…

Easier in SL to just offer a TP and say be there or else!!

For now though, thats the update, will promise a longer more interesting post next time

Toodles

Lady Kezzy

Second Living

This week has really been a flurry of house - stuffs, buying furniture, setting things up, inviting people over, it has been wonderful… The house is so pretty I can’t help but show it off

And it seems that Scia is getting close to finishing off his, um, spaceship thingy on his plot a couple of Sims away, Hoo!

I banned my first avatar out of Dublin the other day - seems he is another alt of another alt that takes stupid pleasure in griefing the staff in Dublin… honestly, it’s that sort of thing I can’t understand? Why bother going to the effort of making alt after alt just so you can come into the Blarney Stone with a multicoloured penis attachment for the 50th time and get bounced out of there for the 50th time? At this stage it is really just a pest rather than causing us any real grief… Luckily all the staff have a great head’s up in regards to security but I didn’t mind popping down and throwing him out *bouncer stylee*

Last night The Purple Rose had a bit of a hair down wild thing going on - The Master is away so the Mice will Play! Two hours of Eponie and two hours of Scia playing Dj meant that there was a full on Skool Disco last night and it rocked… I also got to meet some more of Scia’s friends and we had an interesting conversation about the D/S side of his Second Life. For me, I am not in that scene, I don’t know anything about it so from an interest point of view it was nice to have the chat.

Stupidly, I let some of my paranoia through last night - SL paranoia is one thing that I think affects everyone. Unfortunately one of my closest friends is being subjected to a griefer attack of stupid proportions and now everytime I get a teleport from a certain girl I know my mind goes a bit nuts… Not to mention that she is particularly friendly with Scia’s ex… Again, it could just be stupid paranoia and nothing out of it at all - But I don’t think I will accept any of the teleport offers just in case.

What do you think about RL and SL colliding? I mean, showing someone the RL picture of yourself - can it destroy the dream held by the avatar imagery? What about meeting in RL? I was chatting to Angie and since the last SLreunion we had in Nottingham went down so well we are all eager to organise another one - witha larger crowd of people…If you look at the complex relationships in both lives, there is a worry that the RL meeting can destroy the interactions within SL. I think we were lucky - Nottingham I feel has only brought us closer together in that it was like RL meetings had happened all the time - no awkwardness, silences… So I think I would be happy with repeating it.

Till Next Time

Lady Kezzy

WooT! YaY! And Other Such..

 

My excitment is all about my wonderful, fabulous, B-E-Autiful house that a certain Mr Kaya Angel built for me - it is as if he got into my head, ripped out my dream house and made it a reality… Not quite finished yet, few touches here and there, but it’s mine and it’s perfect! It did mean saying goodbye to the Dublin house, but new house is wonderful *grins*

Also, have the best neighbour, the wonderful Emmie, so I sense some mad happenings around the house soon.

Scia has been in a building flurry also , with his new plot of land, and it is looking great! /me wonders where to divide her time between mine and his… As long as I’m near him I’m happy

Toodles!

Lady Kezzy

Is this the Real Life or is it just Fantasy?

so since I have become an “official” item on SL, I have been doing a spot of thinking. I hope I will not use this blog to completely dissect the relationship until there is nothing left, rather I would hope to develop the thoughts and feelings associated with it here.

Up until now I have only been able to theorise how much of your RL goes into a SL relationship - with Midas there was a great connection of someone who listened, talked and was generally fun to be around. Scia on the other hand - it is a lot more intense. Here is someone who I am pretty sure could finish my sentences and is incredibly finely tuned into my thoughts during our travels on the grid. Can that be too good a thing? Or will it all end horribly

Personally I think I would prefer it to just run along and see where it takes us, it is so early and as far as news on the grapevine goes it will not be without its share of grief - not from my background but possibly from his. And as far as RL situations go, there wont be any cause to cross any boundaries that the other does not feel comfortable with - for me, if anything in SL started to have an effect on my RL or my relationship it would be stopped and cut out faster than you can say “A pirate’s life for me” *Edit* - Don’t get me wrong, I am very very happy in my SL relationship - long may that little excited jump in my tummy when his name pops online continue! I only hope that his continues too*

I want to add a bit to my previous blogs… Pretty much along the lines of the new name of my blog - Is this the Real Life? Or is this just Fantasy? How much of your RL can you put into SL without losing the differenciation between the two? And how much of your RL are you expected to share? This is a tough one to answer - unfortunately in today’s RL privacy and identity theft and other nasty things can come as a cause of your RL being invaded. Can SL be any different? People give out their mobile numbers, where they live, RL photos - and sometimes fairly early on between two meeting. Is this as a cause of a 3D avatar and the closeness to a life that this presents? Or would two people who met on a forum or a chat room without the presence of the SL interaction do the same?

At the end of it all, your SL is whatever way you want to take it - everyone has their own lives, situations and personalities that shape each relationship you make, whether the SL “family”, partnerships or just great friends. It will be interesting as my journey into complete SL assimilation continues to see how these relationships pan out.

Toodles

Lady Kezzy