Comments on: Madness at the Weekend http://kezzyforwzy.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/madness-at-the-weekend/ Second Living Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:26:03 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Mezz http://kezzyforwzy.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/madness-at-the-weekend/#comment-39 Mezz Fri, 23 May 2008 02:08:07 +0000 http://kezzyforwzy.wordpress.com/?p=26#comment-39 I had a year-long exploration in SL which ended some months ago now, it was incredibly good fun, and I learned a great deal about myself and others. I, like you, was intrigued by SL relationships, particularly with those who, like me, had (what they stated were) good RL relationships and careers. I downloaded SL after seeing something on telly, thinking it would be fun. My first impression of SL was at first "This is all pure self-indulgence that can bring no real good to me"and was just "fucking with peoples emotions". I felt that it had the ability to cause depression and unhappiness in many people who are unable to find happiness in real life, and even more so when comparing it to the perfect ness of SL. Aside from the fun things to do, I learned fast that relationships could develop quickly, as time seems compressed. I found the allure of intelligent, witty ppl so magnetic and rapidly developed intimate SL relationships. I soon started to question what I was doing, the way I was playing, and what it all meant. My RL partner was not interested in SL or learning much about it. I justified my cybersex life by disassociation, it was ok because it was somehow 'not-real'and my real life sex life was always good, and became even better (for me)with SL. I soon realised I was seeking the 'high's of the SL relationship as it was new and exciting and intoxicating and my RL relationship (which I perceived as fantastic prior to downloading SL)ummm wasn't new, but I was happy. Let's face it, what hubby of 12 years can compare with mind-blowing sex on the beach with some hot anonymous avatar!! Hee hee. I sought every spare minute to play, and sometimes spare minutes I didn't have. I did start out only wanting one partner, I met an amazing guy rented a house with him, we had an amazing relationship (hee hee) then one day I logged-on unexpectantly to find him shagging someone else in the same spot!! (I can laugh now!!)So I figured that's how many ppl played. I had multiple relationships from then on because I thought if there were many, they would all be fairly insignificant and non-threatening to my real life relationship. And lets face it, you are largely unaccountable for any of your actions in SL (if you don't get caught) and so there is no real reason not to have multiple partners - why hurt people for nothing? After all, they may be 'playing' the same way, and if you play by the rules, you will never know otherwise . One day, I met a guy who was partnered, we flirted and then he sent me an IM with the name of another guy (his single avatar!) saying "He's the guy you need to know". Heh heh As with all new relationships I found them addictive, gave me a huge high, a spring in my step, made me feel alive. All those things experienced by those who have affairs in RL. Really, I was doing the same, after all, fidelity is not of the body. My thoughts were on them, our conversations, the way we made each other feel. Functionally my RL relationship was ok, but my thoughts were often elsewhere, and I got good at being able to justify my thoughts and behavior in SL to myself. I was partitioning my thoughts and emotions, between relationships, and often I gave more to the SL ones. I didn't like that I had become someone who was deceitful in my thoughts, and actions. In real life, I was distracted often, and gave less time to my real life family and friends, was frequently tired and grumpy from staying up late. In hours worth of conversations I got to know my SL lovers quite well, they gave much information about where they lived and their real lives. Two sent IM responses from their work places (who's computer automatically attached their full name, job position phone and fax number to the email, so as they were completely out-ed!!). After white pages and Google Earth it doesn't leave much to the imagination. The 'game' changes considerably then, let me assure you. You worry that they’ll appear on your doorstep swearing undying love. No-one knows quite how to play, they are exposed completely accidently, and yet you have this intimate relationship, you should, for many good reasons (such as the rules you made) end then and there! One guy, had lots published on the net, photos, articles he'd written etc. He was someone I would love to have known in real life, but even an honest friendship would not have been really possible due to the sexual component of our relationship, even if it was 'virtual', and the emotional intimacy we shared. One person in SL said this to me “Three words: Ego trip, power trip, guilt trip”. The cycle I chose Real Life over SL for lots of reasons, and had many attempts at leaving SL before I actually did delete my accounts. I learned so much. I did let my Second Life affect my Real Life relationship/s and it did happen gradually and subconsciously, luckily I realized and feel that stopping SL was the right thing for me to do for myself, and my relationships. For me, my first impressions of SL were right. But I learned a lot. Good luck! I had a year-long exploration in SL which ended some months ago now, it was incredibly good fun, and I learned a great deal about myself and others. I, like you, was intrigued by SL relationships, particularly with those who, like me, had (what they stated were) good RL relationships and careers. I downloaded SL after seeing something on telly, thinking it would be fun. My first impression of SL was at first “This is all pure self-indulgence that can bring no real good to me”and was just “fucking with peoples emotions”. I felt that it had the ability to cause depression and unhappiness in many people who are unable to find happiness in real life, and even more so when comparing it to the perfect ness of SL.

Aside from the fun things to do, I learned fast that relationships could develop quickly, as time seems compressed. I found the allure of intelligent, witty ppl so magnetic and rapidly developed intimate SL relationships. I soon started to question what I was doing, the way I was playing, and what it all meant. My RL partner was not interested in SL or learning much about it. I justified my cybersex life by disassociation, it was ok because it was somehow ‘not-real’and my real life sex life was always good, and became even better (for me)with SL. I soon realised I was seeking the ‘high’s of the SL relationship as it was new and exciting and intoxicating and my RL relationship (which I perceived as fantastic prior to downloading SL)ummm wasn’t new, but I was happy. Let’s face it, what hubby of 12 years can compare with mind-blowing sex on the beach with some hot anonymous avatar!! Hee hee. I sought every spare minute to play, and sometimes spare minutes I didn’t have.

I did start out only wanting one partner, I met an amazing guy rented a house with him, we had an amazing relationship (hee hee) then one day I logged-on unexpectantly to find him shagging someone else in the same spot!! (I can laugh now!!)So I figured that’s how many ppl played. I had multiple relationships from then on because I thought if there were many, they would all be fairly insignificant and non-threatening to my real life relationship. And lets face it, you are largely unaccountable for any of your actions in SL (if you don’t get caught) and so there is no real reason not to have multiple partners – why hurt people for nothing? After all, they may be ‘playing’ the same way, and if you play by the rules, you will never know otherwise . One day, I met a guy who was partnered, we flirted and then he sent me an IM with the name of another guy (his single avatar!) saying “He’s the guy you need to know”. Heh heh

As with all new relationships I found them addictive, gave me a huge high, a spring in my step, made me feel alive. All those things experienced by those who have affairs in RL. Really, I was doing the same, after all, fidelity is not of the body. My thoughts were on them, our conversations, the way we made each other feel. Functionally my RL relationship was ok, but my thoughts were often elsewhere, and I got good at being able to justify my thoughts and behavior in SL to myself. I was partitioning my thoughts and emotions, between relationships, and often I gave more to the SL ones. I didn’t like that I had become someone who was deceitful in my thoughts, and actions. In real life, I was distracted often, and gave less time to my real life family and friends, was frequently tired and grumpy from staying up late.

In hours worth of conversations I got to know my SL lovers quite well, they gave much information about where they lived and their real lives. Two sent IM responses from their work places (who’s computer automatically attached their full name, job position phone and fax number to the email, so as they were completely out-ed!!). After white pages and Google Earth it doesn’t leave much to the imagination. The ‘game’ changes considerably then, let me assure you. You worry that they’ll appear on your doorstep swearing undying love. No-one knows quite how to play, they are exposed completely accidently, and yet you have this intimate relationship, you should, for many good reasons (such as the rules you made) end then and there! One guy, had lots published on the net, photos, articles he’d written etc. He was someone I would love to have known in real life, but even an honest friendship would not have been really possible due to the sexual component of our relationship, even if it was ‘virtual’, and the emotional intimacy we shared.

One person in SL said this to me “Three words: Ego trip, power trip, guilt trip”. The cycle

I chose Real Life over SL for lots of reasons, and had many attempts at leaving SL before I actually did delete my accounts. I learned so much. I did let my Second Life affect my Real Life relationship/s and it did happen gradually and subconsciously, luckily I realized and feel that stopping SL was the right thing for me to do for myself, and my relationships. For me, my first impressions of SL were right. But I learned a lot. Good luck!

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