It is funny how easily one comment made through text on SL can quickly spiral out of control and become a fully fledged argument/ falling out. Crossed wires happen quite regularly – which is probably the reason for the increasing popularity of using SL Voice (or Skype® , which tends to be a lot more reliable). When talking to someone using your voice, rather than your fingers, you can detect the inflections and tone that make a joke truly a joke… which typing cannot convey, even with the use of smileys.
Unfortunately drama is rife in SL.. Whether it be one person insulted because of a misinterpretation or Griefer Wars using the many toys made soly for that purpose… Or just, slandering an exes name across the grid just because you are still hurt by their betrayal (or perceived betrayal when the relationship dissolved). I am lucky enough that the people I tend to stick with don’t engage in drama (or at least not with me – drama llamas the lot of them!!) but from being on the receiving end of hearing what latest grief they are going through, I learn a lot.
As mentioned in a previous post, a good friend is being subjected to a stalking attack of the worst kind, one that he simply has no idea how it came about or what the motive is. Even with hashing it out with several friends he still is none the wiser to what reason this avie (and its alts) have for attacking him. But do attacks have to solely come from a griefer style teleport or toy attack? What about the verbal attacks? Or even just the presence of another avie who makes you feel uncomfortable? Is that not an attack also?
If an avie in question knows that their presence makes you uncomfortable, and they have no other reason behind it than to make you uncomfortable, is that not just as bad or is it just a case of uber-paranoia? And the war with words… However seriously you take SL and however you try to avoid it, everyone has a past, just like in RL – with broken friendships, feuds, exes… Not to mention group wars, where opposing groups berate and talk about others in a degrading way.. To the point that if you know someone in one group you would be scared to join the other (even if you have friends in it) just for fear of being on the receiving end.
A lot of people arrive in SL wanting to get away from the RL drama… Hell, there’s enough crap in the Real World without ruining the Second Life World with the drama, animosity, hatred towards others and others beliefs.. Why can’t we use SL as a template for what can be achieved instead of ruining it just like we have ruined the Real Life.
Lady Kezzy
I have to say that I have never really had any drama’s in SL, well not yet anyway (cross fingers). I have a small but understanding group of friends who show patients, and are never quick to jump at possible misunderstandings.
Like you say mis-understandings are very easy in SL but just like FL, people have a choice to listen, be patients and try to find the real meaning, rather than fly off the handle and often make matters worse.
I am often suprised by how personal some people take comments. If someone says something bad about me, it may or may not be correct but at the end of the day I think if you believe and have genuine confidance in yourself, what does it matter. There are often far more important issues than just been right ! Over reaction may often be a sign of lack or unreal confidance.
And… there is another point. With the problems and issues people have to deal with in RL, why be bothered to spend negative emotion and energy in SL. A sence of persepctive has to be had.
Thanks for sharing that kez, I love reading your blog. It makes me think.
SL mirrors RL in all ways, after all it is real people, with real feelings and real emotions. You’re gonna have drama! No escaping it. It is when people share these feelings that friendships and relationships develop. Disclosure builds trust and friendship, and with an internet medium, text and voice are the only ways to do this. As for drama, I find it intriguing that so many people write stuff like “no drama” in their profiles. They may as well say, “Play with me, allow yourself to develop feelings of friendship or love, we may even muck with each others emotions a little but when it ends (as it has to) I don’t want you to show any emotions and I won’t allow you any recourse because it would affect the way I feel and the way I enjoy the game.” Intimate relationships won’t last because they can’t, they aren’t really real in the first place, only the EMOTIONS are real, so expect drama when these relationships end. Most people play more than one avatar, to explore different ways to still play the same way but avoid the drama, bottom line is you really can’t. Friendships are made, but will always be less significant than real life friendships and than romantic connections made in SL and more easily disposed of. In a nutshell: drama is an inevitable consequence of playing SL due to the simple nature of human relationships. Regardless of whether people go to SL to escape RL, people are people and will always behave as such, responding to events and situations as they always would….there’s no escaping it
Real Life isn’t ruined……it’s there and it can be really great. It’s full of people who laugh and love, who can see real meaning in their lives, enjoy true friendships (and their ups and downs) and what it really means to love. In RL you can see honesty on peoples faces and hear sincerity in their words and voice. You know they mean what they say, no “if “or “buts”.
Sure it isn’t perfect, but it is what you make of it. And unlike SL, you only have one avatar to play….yourself…….. and a limited time in which to do it.
i really enjoy your comments Mezz, you give me a chance to think more on my topic of writing and the ability to continue to do so – thank you
TBH this distinction between SL & RL is a bit false, as is the distinction between cyberspace & normal space. Ultimately we’re all real people. If I feel love for someone who’s right here in the room with me who I can physically touch, that’s no more nor less real than love for someone who’s thousands of miles away & with whom interaction is mediated by internet, telephone or snail mail letter. As Mezz says, the emotions are real, and so are the people feeling them. And people can be conned & lied to in face to face interactions just as easily. The only time I’ve really got into putting on different personae in SL is when I was so depressed I didn’t want to be myself any more, because I hated myself & felt worthless. I’ve only ever done alts when I’ve been unable to face being me, but my main is me. He looks pretty much like me, and I don’t affect any kind of personality shift when in SL. I am as I am. The name I use is recognisably me from years before SL ever existed. Sciamachy Moran is no creation of SL nor confined to the Grid. It’s me.